Hanks for the Memories

  • tom hanksI recently watched a bootleg copy of the Tom Hanks film “Captain Phillips.”  In other words, I watched a pirated video about Somali Pirates.
  • Did I ever tell you the story about my friend’s Great-Great Grandfather?  He came to the U.S. in 1920 with nothing but the shirt on his back.  He was promptly arrested for indecent exposure.  Apparently he didn’t know it was illegal to walk around in this country with no pants on.
  • Did you know that everyone has their own unique set of dimples?  It’s true.  Would I lie to you?  However, some exceptions to this rule have been known to occur.  These people are known as “Dimplegangers.”

I Have Nerves of Steel Wool


  • Do you have nerves of steel?  Me too!  Although lately mine have become more like steel wool.  But I have a few days off, I plan on sleeping a lot.  I am way backlogged in that department.  Aren’t we all?
  • The drought continues in California.  The town I live in has strict water restrictions.  You aren’t allowed to use a hose to water your plants.  Instead, you use the hose to fill a bucket, and then you pour the water on the plants.  For our upcoming wedding anniversary I have asked my wife for a 50-gallon drum of drinking water.
  • The response to my post last time about the song “Mr. Custer” was huge.  With that, here is a link to another golden oldie I am sure you will like:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4&feature=kp

Please Mr. Custard


  • Did you ever hear the story about the three-legged dog who limped into Dodge City looking for the man who shot his paw?  Many of you have already heard that joke, but I feel that it is strong enough, comically speaking, to repeat.
  • Our local radio station only plays music that was recorded between 1950 and 1969.  Just the other day I heard a song from my youth that I wasn’t even sure was a song.  (I actually thought he was saying Mr. Custard).  Wikipedia says the following:  “Mr. Custer” is a novelty song, sung by Larry Verne, and written by Al DeLory, Fred Darian, and Joseph Van Winkle. It was a number-one song in the United States in 1960, topping the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart for the issue dated October 10, 1960, and remained there for one week. It is a comical song about a soldier’s plea to Custer before the climactic Battle of the Little Bighorn against the Sioux, which he did not want to fight.[1]  “Mr. Custer” was also a No. 12 hit in the UK for Charlie Drake in 1962. So that means I was a very small person when this song came out.  How about you?  Do you remember when this song came out?  Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0nHWAoIfxo
  • As for me, I have been quite busy with school.  I am learning all about music theory and composition.  If you ever decide to go into that field, I have one piece of advice:  Buy a large box of erasers.  You will need them.  If you are composing a piece of classical music in a minor key, and happen to move from a V chord to a VI chord (a move known as a “Deceptive Cadence”) you must be sure to not double the root.  You always double the third, otherwise you will end up with an augmented second interval, which apparently is not a good thing. Why does this only happen between the V and VI chords?  It happens because that is the only place in a minor scale where two major triads are found a half-step apart.  But you probably already knew that.

Blasphemy for A Jazz Purist

coleWe have been practicing Cole Porter’s “All of You” in my music class.  For those of you who don’t know that song, here is a link:


I have written two new verses for this song.  Dare I share them with my classmates?  I know I shouldn’t, it might be considered blasphemy by some jazz purists!

Here it is:


Alternate Lyrics

(With a slight bounce – a rubber ball will do)

I like the way you walk, the way you talk
The smell of you, the breath of you
The ears, the eyes, the unsymmetrical thighs
The fingers, the toes, the somewhat pointy nose.

I like the way you eat, the way you speak
The clothes you wear remind me of a circus freak
Your hair, your lips, your hard-to-locate hips
For I like all of you.

What do you think?  It’s good, right?  Am I right???

Did I Ever Tell You This Story?

  • treeJust the other day I was thinking about my childhood.  I have such fond memories of that time.  I loved playing in the countryside, eating apples fresh off the tree, running in the wheat fields with my cousin Scooter.  Back then, we had a neighbor who was from the old country.  I am not sure why it was called “The Old Country,” perhaps it was called that because everyone who came from there was old.   This neighbor had a very strong Irish accent.  He used to tell us “Give Thanks to The Lard.”  I never knew if he meant “The Lord” or if was talking about bacon fat.
  • Are you ever too hard on yourself?  Do you have a tendency to beat yourself up?  Me too!  It got so bad last week, I was beating myself up and I actually broke my own nose.
  • Have you ever seen those Civil War Re-Enactments?  What’s up with those?  And why is it that the only war ever re-enacted is the Civil War.  And how civil could it have been?  How about re-enacting World War One?  They would just need to build a bunch of trenches, sit in them and throw smoke bombs at each other.  Or how about Desert Storm?  Although it might be difficult to get someone to dress up like Saddam Hussein.
  • The Weather Center says that we might be getting some rain next week.  Thank the Lard!

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