The Happiest Three Hours of My Life

San_Diego_Chargers_Helmet3For those of you who do not know me personally, I am a Hardcore San Diego Charger fan.  Their first playoff game in 2014 was with the Cincinnati Bengals.  They surprised everyone (including me!) by winning.   This game would turn out to be their final victory of the year.

My wife had to work during the game.  We did, however, text back and forth as the game progressed.  What follows is a word-for-word dictation of that correspondence:

And away we go!  Let’s go Chargers!!

After these commercials….

Dan Fouts sang the Chargers song online before the game.

I hope that is available later on.

First Down!  Yeah Bolts!!

What was that?

I don’t know, but I don’t like it.

Now the defense will have to step up.

Our punter is the best player on the field.

I agree.

Some points would be really good now.  For us, not them.

What’s with all of these commercials?  And all the meat?  I hate meat!

Me too! How can these people eat meat?  Don’t they know it was once a living creature?

People suck.

I’ll say.

These commercials are almost as annoying as these officials.  What did the Bengals do, threaten their families?

They probably forced them to eat meat.

Turnover!  Yes!  Now we need to capitalize on the mistakes of our adversary.

A 40 yard run?  Are you kidding me?  Who was that guy?

I have no idea.

Yippee!!!

It sure got quiet in the Bengals stadium.

It was as if there were wild animals loose on the field.

There were, and they had Chargers uniforms on!

Did you see that quarterback hit the dirt?  They just can’t handle the magnificence of the Charger defense.

They said that the last time they played each other, the Chargers didn’t even get in the red zone once.

That is hardly the case at this particular moment, isn’t it?

I agree wholeheartedly, Ollie.

We are controlling the red zone with the audacity of a Third World Dictator!!

What?

Never mind.  I just got excited.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

What was that?

I think we fumbled it.

It sure looks like it.

Why are the Bengals players all pointing in one direction, and the Chargers are pointing in the opposite direction?

It appears to be a difference of opinion.

WE RECOVER THE FUMBLE!!! WE RECOVER THE FUMBLE!!!

Get your red-hot fumbles, over here.  We’re giving ‘em away….!

CRAP!

That’s OK.  Our defense will take care of biz-ness.

JUST GIVE US THE BALL!!

We need to send the Chargers some magic.

Magico es fuerte y claro.

How did he catch that ball?

Again, I do not know and I do not like it.  Not one bit.

We need a turnover.

Get your red hot turnovers, buy two, get a first down free!!

What is it about Boomer’s voice that makes me want to buy noise-cancelling headphones?

I think it is the timber.

Do you mean timbre?

Yeah, that.

At least Boomer isn’t online, thank God!

Catch the ball, you bum!

Hey, calm down.  It is only a game.

It isn’t only a game.  It is my life!

That was huge!

The hughiest ever.

What?

These refs really have to start calling those holding violations.  This isn’t the WWF.

What is the WWF?

The World Wrassling Fraternity.

10-7 at the half is no problem.  I need a shower.

See you after the half.

I just turned on the TV, and we are up 17-10!

Did you ask for a turnover?  How about another one?

O – M – G!!!

This is the best game ever!

I am so happy.

I have never been this happy.

AUTOMATIC FIRST DOWN!  TAKE THAT, SUCKERS!!!

I want more points! Give me more points!!

Did you say more points?

Holy ______!!!!

We should go for it on this fourth down.

He got Buttled.

ANOTHER TURNOVER!!!

Do I need to say it?

Yes.

Get your turnovers, right here!  Red hot turnovers!!  We are giving them away, or forcing them on you if you resist!!

They were supposed to get a first down.  Maybe if I start vacuuming they will play better.

Then you better get vacuuming.

Oh yeah!  Another incompletion!  Were you aiming for the dirt?  I should have started vacuuming way before the half.

And the Chargers take over on downs, up by 2 scores with five minutes to play!

Can you say “AWESOME?”

I can do better than that!  I can say, “Bring on Denver!”

One more turnover would be nice.

I will see what I can do.  This Bengal voodoo doll has so many pins on it, there isn’t much room.

Woo-Hoo!  Good job, little voodoo doll!

We get the ball back!

I am so happy.

I am so very happy.  I hope I never lose this feeling.

You should vacuum next week during the Broncos game.  It really seemed to do the trick.

I agree.

I guess I will put on some coffee now.

OK, see you soon……

3 thoughts on “The Happiest Three Hours of My Life”

  1. O-M-G, your wife is hilarious! This is just like a conversation I had with my husband. No wait, I AM your wife….never mind.

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